


William Shakespeare's in my cat*

by lds



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Paragraph Unrelated to Story, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash, Title Unrelated to Story, first fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-21
Updated: 2006-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-16 03:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lds/pseuds/lds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lorne has drawn erroneous conclusions. Cadman Helps straighten them out.</p><p>* I was unable to come up with a title, I resorted to using an Arrogant Worms song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	William Shakespeare's in my cat*

**Author's Note:**

> The first paragraph in no way relates to the story. It was something I typed to stop staring at a blank page and have decided to leave it in. Also this is my first foray into the world of fan fic.
> 
> My foray in to fan fiction was encouraged and beta'd by an internet friend, unsung_hero_99, who has since tragically passed away. You are missed. This is the first fan fic I ever wrote.

It was a dark and stormy night. Okay, it was neither dark, as it was the afternoon, nor stormy but I always wanted to use that lame but famous start to a story. Anyway on to the actual start of the story.

Hanging out in the mess, watching others eating or conversing was not exactly what Lorne had in mind for his afternoon off, but he found it beat spending time with his own mind these days. He had not realized how effective his imagination was until the Pegasus galaxy. Not that he was ever lacking in the department, but some of the stuff that comes up when he gets lost in his thoughts these days seem to have vividness and realism that was lacking before. Guess it makes sense since the feelings evoking these trips of fancy are stronger than any he remembers having before, and for such an unlikely candidate. It had not been love at first sight or anything romantic, more like irritation. However, later glimpses at the person behind the fluster had changed that irritation into interest lading to what was now bordering on obsession.

A noisy discussion dragged Lorne's eyes to the entrance. Ah, the dynamic duo had arrived. Passed lunch time, meaning it was likely that Sheppard had gone down to the labs and dragged Rodney, “No, think McKay,” Lorne told himself, out of the labs to eat.

“Probably motivated by cutting down claims of hypoglycemia not any real concern,” he groused to himself and then instantly felt guilty. It was clear that Sheppard actually cared for the scientist. Not his fault that Lorne had managed develop an obsession for his boyfriend. And wasn't typical Atlantis strangeness, the male military CO and XO both having an interest for a very male scientist. As USAF officers, one would think that the whole ban on gays serving, Don't Ask, Don't Tell aside, might have had at least had some impact. Or maybe, they made a point of sending those they suspected here, let the Wraith solve the problem.

Shaking off the morose feeling over taking him, Lorne scanned around the room to see if anything interesting was happening to distract him. From where he was sitting he could see a couple of scientists having a rather intense argument. Speculating on whether or not the whole thing would come to actual blows (and whoever thought scientists couldn't handle themselves in a fight had never seen a clash of ideologies in action) he noticed that he himself was under observation by the way too knowing Lt. Laura Cadman. He groaned to himself as she got up and walked over to his table.

“You look so cute, sitting there pouting like that. Such a waste, at least in my world,” she said with a smirk.

“Don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes you do. That whole why not me look you get whenever you see those two there together. When you consider how often those two are seen together, it means we get to see that little pout a lot.”

Lorne glared at his new table companion, “I have no idea what you are going on about.”

“Might want to work on the whole denial thing; not very convincing.” Laura smiled. “Anyway, your choice is interesting. Especially given that gossip has those two as inseparable.” nodding her head towards Sheppard and McKay who were now seated and eating.

“Ever heard of ‘Don't Ask, Don't Tell’?”

“Not asking anyone anything. Guessing, yes; asking, no.” Laura leant in conspiratorially. “Remember gossip is also based on guessing and isn't always right. You might want to look at the whole thing a little more carefully. You're a smart boy after all”

“Once again, don't know what you are talking about,” Lorne griped. “Whatever it is you are making guesses on, you're wrong. And I don't believe gossip.” With that Lorne got up to leave, needing to get away from those feelings of false hope that Cadman was feeding him as well as aggravation of Sheppard and McKay together.

“Oh, I'm right and we both know it,” was Laura's parting shot.

* * *

A few days later Lorne found himself in what he considered a form of torture; hanging out in one of the labs with one Dr. McKay. Just him and Rodney, wasn't that just peachy. Being alone with the man was definitely not part of the plan of ridding himself of his new obsession. And why exactly was he needed there anyway? Rodney had the ATA gene thanks to the therapy; he should be able to set all these ancient gadgets off all by himself.

“Nice of you to finally join me, Major,” Rodney sniped. “I have an ancient device here that appears to need two operators with the ATA gene to work. Sorry to have inconvenience you in your otherwise busy day with my meager science needs.”

And wasn't the good doctor in a good mood. “Probably a result of “the boyfriend” not being available to assist him,” Lorne thought. “No bitterness here.”

“So what is it exactly I am supposed to do?” Lorne asked. “I assume there will be touching involved, but what else?” His mind then darting to images of the kind of touching he preferred to be doing.

“Right now, I just need you to hold this.”

Lorne looked at the device that kind of resembled a Gameboy. An accurate assessment it turned out a short while later. The device turned out to be an elaborate strategic game, quite a fun one at that.

“I'm surprised you didn't drag the Colonel down to handle this,” Lorne mused.

“The man had no interest. Apparently he figured I have him trapped down here forever, touching anything and everything we haven't been able to get work. Paranoid man. Do something once...”

Lorne had to laugh at that. “Well I guess I could see the point, having the strongest ATA could be a bit of a burden.”

“Like his day today was so busy,” snorted Rodney. “Well, he missed out on the fun.”

Lorne groaned. He had no one to blame about finding out that Rodney had indeed preferred to have had Sheppard for company. He took some comfort in the fact that he had referred to the time as fun, Lorne admitted to having a great time himself. Rodney's mood had improved as the two of them had gotten further into the game itself.

At that point he realized that he had been referring the man as Rodney the whole time. “So much for keeping the man at arm's length through use of name,” Lorne mumbled.

“What was that?” Rodney asked, fortunately for Lorne, not actually catching the comment.

Lorne started a little, realizing he had spoken out loud. “Oh it’s nothing, just thinking about the Ancients' game. Guess everyone needs some form of entertainment. Sometimes I forget that, thinking every thing ancient has a greater use.”

“I think we all tend to forget the possibility of Ancients creating their own forms of fun.”

“What's this about something fun?” Sheppard queried from the doorway.

“Oh, now you have time to pop in. Once the testing is done,” McKay snapped, his mood shifting back to its pre-game setting.

Lorne looked back and forth between the two, wondering what was causing the tension. A lover's spat he reasoned as Sheppard sauntered into the room.

“Not so much time as motivated to rescue my XO here from his enforced torture,” Sheppard smirked.

“Just because you consider an afternoon in the lab torture, doesn't mean everyone does,” McKay shot back. “Actually we had quite a bit of fun. The device in question turned out to be an Ancient video game of sorts, right, Major?”

Lorne jerked his head back to Rodney, “Yeah, great fun. Like strategic games.” Lorne felt kind of nervous, unable to determine exactly what was going on between the two.

“Very useful trait in a military man,” Sheppard replied looking Lorne over. “So play time is over. I need Lorne to go take care of some of his military duties.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Dumping your paperwork off on your subordinates again Colonel?”

“Called delegation Rodney, you should try it some time; besides Lorne likes doing paperwork.”

“No one likes paperwork,” Rodney retorted.

Lorne left the room wondering what the hell was going on. Though the bickering wasn't strange, the underlying tension was. Maybe Sheppard didn't like other people having fun with his boyfriend.

* * *

Later that same day found Lorne in the cafeteria grabbing a late meal, hoping for some peace and quiet. Such a favor was not to be granted as once he sat down, Cadman saw fit to join him which meant another round of teasing questions and innuendo.

“Hey heard you got to hang out with your favourite scientist today,” was what past as a form of greeting. Apparently tonight was going to be the direct approach.

“If by that you mean I spent the afternoon assisting McKay with testing, then yes.”

“So you are admitting he’s your favourite.”

“No. Just learning to think in that warped way you do,” Lorne said with a smile. He was starting to get used to these little chats.

“Hey I’m not the one believing false gossip about our illustrious and very straight CO,” Laura retaliated. “Seriously he has been spotted with one of the new scientists, apparently more than flirting. Unless you’re one of those believing it’s a beard.”

“No. And I never said I believed any of the gossip. You’re the bad one anyway, repeating everything you hear.”

“Ah, so you reached your erroneous conclusions all by yourself?”

Lorne rolled his eyes, “You know we really shouldn’t keep having this conversation what with you being US Marine and me being US Air Force. Someone might think we actually know something and get the man in trouble.”

Laura dismissed that idea with a simple “Like anyone around here cares.” And then proceeded to explain how the lack of concern leaves things open for Lorne to pursue that which he wants most, making it sound oh so simple.

“Let’s say you are right about this.” That was as close as Lorne was going to come admitting anything to the woman, not because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, just because he really didn’t need her smirk getting anymore self-satisfying during this conversation. “There is still a rather big hole in your little plan.”

“And what would that be?” queried Laura.

“The whole fact that there is no way McKay would be interested in military. Sheppard is probably the exception what with him being sort of math wiz allowing Rodney could ignore ‘military aspect’ of the man. Not something someone like me has going for himself.” Hoping that would to take her down a peg or two, sounding a little too overconfident in her alleged knowledge.

“Please,” Laura groaned. “You are not stupid. Well actually you are.” She paused, giving him a look that let him know exactly why she said that. “Just not in the way that annoys McKay.”

“Annoying McKay? There's been McKay annoying and I wasn't invited?” quipped Sheppard from just behind Lorne.

Laura gave a hardy “Good evening Colonel.” while Lorne muttered something about the man needing a bell on.

“Now why would I need that?” Sheppard laughed catching the comment and then addressed Lorne “I stopped by to see if you'd be interested in playing that new Ancients' game. McKay still pissed about something and won't show it to me.” He looked distractedly around the room.

“Well...” Lorne hesitated. Sheppard could be a fun guy to hang out with if you removed the 'he has what Lorne wants' factor. It's just that it was getting harder and harder to ignore that jealousy. He was worried he would say something that would show his hand. Much easier with company. As Cadman had started to leave, he blurted “Hey Laura, want to join us? Check out the game.”

“As much fun as watching two people with the ATA gene sit around playing video games sounds. I'm going to the infirmary and drag Carson out. My loss I'm sure.” She tossed a 'you are so on your own' look at Lorne and trotted off.

“Evil woman,” he thought snidely as he turned to Sheppard, agreeing to play.

“So why is Rodney mad at you anyway?” mentally kicking himself for prying while at the same time not able to resist finding out what was up with the two earlier.

“Nothing much. Didn't appreciate a little harmless teasing.”

“Sure it was harmless, Colonel?” Lorne couldn't help asking, knowing that Rodney was more sensitive to comments and criticisms then most people realize.

“Don't worry Major, no permanent damage done to your scientist,” Sheppard deadpanned bringing Lorne to a dead stop.

“...”

* * *

A few days later Lorne wandered in to the dining area to see one Lt. Laura Cadman and one Dr. Rodney McKay quietly conversing at a table. Not necessarily a paranoid man, he still felt that this was not a good thing.

Cadman looked up and spotted him. “Hey Major,” she called with a twinkle in her eye he did not trust and waved him over.

Definitely not good. He wondered if he could beg off quickly based on the headache he could already feel forming. Laura’s look got a little stern as she motioned for him to sit. Something told him not to even bother mentioning the pain as he obediently took the seat. Who out ranked whom here anyway?

“Major.” Rodney nodded.

“We were just talking about you teaching the Colonel that game,” Laura chirped way too cheerfully for Lorne’s liking. She was definitely up to something, probably a twisted attempt of matchmaker. How did he get tricked into telling her what Sheppard said, again? That woman’s powers were being wasted in her current position.

“Plenty of fodder for teasing since you managed to defeat him each time,” Rodney smirked.

“A little payback for all that he’s been up to lately.” Laura nodded.

“Did I leave anything out?” Lorne wondered. What was in those drinks and should he really be allowed to leave Atlantis? He didn’t seem to have kept much secret from a certain evil lieutenant.

Rodney also started a little on that comment. “Why? What’s Sheppard been saying?” he asked suspiciously, glancing between the two officers.

“Nothing,” Lorne said feeling a little defensive at this point since any actual comments made were directed at him.

“Not much,” Laura added “Just hinted that your recent squabbles were about something he said in jest.”

Rodney narrowed his eyes, “Did he really?”

“Where is the Colonel anyway?” asked Lorne in attempt to change the topic.

Laura would not cooperate on that front. “Just mentioned something about making a few suggestions regarding…”

“Ah, ah, that’s quite enough of that,” Rodney interrupted.

Lorne eyed Cadman suspiciously. He may have shared all his secrets but he was starting to get the feeling she had not.

Rodney looked at Lorne and addressed his earlier question. “Sheppard is currently on a date, if you can call it that, with…” Turns back to Laura, “What was her name again?”

“Corrin Hoeffliger. And she works in your department; you should know her name not me,” Laura responded apparently letting Rodney get away with changing the topic where he had not. “You know,” Laura continued. “One would almost think you would prefer for some people not to know what the teasing was all about.” Then again maybe not.

Rodney gave her a look that has stopped many a scientist in his tracks, and rumor has it made a few of them cry. Cadman however was completely immune, maybe a result of having spent time in that body herself.

“You see…” Laura directed this comment at Lorne himself, when Rodney cut her off again.

“Do I need to remind you who I am? What I have access to? I can make your life miserable,” Rodney stated.

“Make my life miserable, make Carson’s life miserable. Make trips to the infirmary miserable.” Laura licked her tongue out at Rodney.

“Real mature,” he retaliated.

“You started it with the threats,” she pointed out.

During this exchange, Lorne had actually perked up. Obviously this teasing was something he would be interested in and from Rodney’s reaction was about something of a personal nature. He was starting too really like where this was going.

“You might as well tell him or let me,” Laura stated. “He’s not stupid. He’s figured out the gist of it by now anyway.”

“Of course he’s not stupid,” Rodney responded. And hey was that an actual compliment there?

“And he’s sitting right here,” Lorne felt compelled to speak up at this point. The two turned to look at him like they had partially forgotten he was indeed there. Rodney turned kind of red at that point. “Yes,” thought Lorne, he was now very happy where this conversation had gone.

“As fun as the game was…” Laura mused “I do believe that Major Lorne here would have enjoyed Colonel Sheppard’s suggestions more.” She reached over and patted Lorne on the shoulder while he joined Rodney in turning a pretty shade of red. “And on that note, I think it’s time for me to go. Though you two might want to do the same. Don't Ask, Don't Tell and all that.”

Laura got up and left the two embarrassed men to themselves at the table. Just as she got to the door, she turned around and came back. “By the way Rodney. Do you even know…”

“It’s Evan.” Rodney snapped.

“Just checking. I mean you don’t even know your own scientists names after all.” And with that parting shot she actually left.

“So…” Lorne drawled.

“Yeah,” Rodney sighed not quite looking at the man sitting next to him.

“Yeah,” Lorne sighed as well. Not quite sure himself how to get around the impasse the two were at for the moment.

“So. How about those Yankees?”

“What!?!” A startled Lorne had to wonder where the heck that came from.

“Bring up sports. That’s what guys do during those awkward moments, right? Or has Hollywood steered me wrong?” Rodney built up some momentum. “I mean movies are full of inaccuracies but what with most guys actually loving sports and all... And you’re American so, baseball or football seemed the way to go.” Rodney took a breath. “And well, also an American based team would to the best choice, hence the Yankees.”

“Actually,” Lorne interrupted before the explanation could continue. ”More of a hockey fan, myself.”

“Really. An American with taste. Wonders never cease.”

“Gee, thanks Rodney.” Lorne rolled his eyes at the not so subtle insult to his nationality. “We will assume you are merely questioning American taste in sports with that comment, not taste in general.” To avoid further discussion on the matter, he then queried. “Want to get out of here?”

“Definitely!” Rodney smiled. “My quarters.”

At that the two of them got up and followed Cadman out into the hallways of Atlantis. Life had just gotten a hell of a lot more interesting for both.


End file.
